Forever burning
by Mute Hope
Summary: "I loved her, Elena. And no one knew, because I wouldn't accept it. It's my fault.. all mine." Damon, has held a secret all his life against Lexi. And now, after her death; it is all coming out. What will happen to the vampire full of guilt? R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**Forever Burnin****g****.**

**A mute hope production.**

**Damon Salvatore/Lexi Branson**

**Alright; this is just a little drabble that has been playing over and over within my mind and won't leave. -.- If you dislike the ship Dexi then do not read. No negative reviews, because they'll just be ignored. Everyone else, enjoy. (:**

_I do not own the vampire diaries; if I did, Stefan wouldn't be so grumpy, and Damon would win. All the time. :D_

**PROLOGUE.**

What happens to men that kill? Well, when you're an immortal, you don't really care what happens. But what happens if you kill for the wrong reasons? Does it play up and hurt you constantly? Does the victims face appear in your sleep? Do you constantly hear there last breath? It looked, as if for the first time in a long time; I was feeling guilt.

Guilt, had never been my thing. For as long as I can remember, I had been emotionless. Cruel and dangerous. I didn't want, need or ask for feelings. I didn't want to feel anything. After the thought of losing her. Then, finding out I had to wait over a hundred years to see her perfect face again. Time changes people. More than what is possible to the human eye. I, even though I disliked to admit, was a slow dying flower. I was corrupting with each second that passed. And one moment, it was all going to blow up in my face. Only a matter of time before my walls came in about me. Before I became a wreak. Just like my brother. The reason for my anger, annoyance and hate towards all things living and non. I, wanted to die. I wanted to join Katherine. And yes, if it wasn't for him; I wouldn't of found out about Katherine being stuck within the tomb. (Well, supposedly.) I wouldn't of known of the chance to see her again. I owed him that, but that was all. And quite frankly, I didn't care. I wanted nothing to do with my brother. I wanted his life, and his soul to be in pain. I didn't want to be breathing the same air as him. To me, Stefan was dead. And I mean, truly dead.

But, Stefan, nor Katherine was the reason for my sudden rush of guilt. Yes, I still had one thing to look forward too. Getting Katherine out of the tomb. To be happy again. And leave Stefan with his oh-so-needing girlfriend, Elena. But, did I deserve to be happy? After what I had done? I'd admit to anyone I disliked my brother. More than 'life' itself. But, perhaps I had taken it a bit too far? There was the small chance of it. Though, I had told myself over and over that it was part of the plan. To get the humans off our back. To 'show' them we too were human. Not that a little white lie could hurt anyone. But this? Killing his best friend? Making him lose the only person who understood him in the most darkest times. Alexia, or Lexi as she is called. Well, was called. She, had stuck by Stefan threw thick and thin. She had helped him at my request. And how did I repay her? By shoving a stake threw her heart.

But why now? Why was I feeling sick with myself. Usually, I could gaze into the mirror and feel great about myself. Now? The simple glance at the monster within causes my insides to twist. I didn't like this feeling. I didn't like any feelings. But this one, wouldn't leave. It was there, all the time. From the moment her breath had left her mouth. Asking me why. I would never forget the look on her face. The hurt, pain and sorrow all thriving within one true angel. I had killed many people before, and thought nothing of it. I had never felt anything like this after taking a life. Hell, if killing was a sport, I'd win the gold. But taking Lexi's life? Why was I feeling like this? Why was I disgusted with myself? Just plain down why? What made her so special to cause me to feel? But that was the thing. I knew why. I've always known why. I just never found it within myself to speak up. Katherine might have been the love of my life, but it didn't mean you couldn't love two people. Katherine, wasn't the first woman I had loved. She was the second. Nor, was she the first vampire I had loved. Lexi was. She would forever be. Lexi, saved me from death. Both her and I knew of my feelings to her. But that was the reason for my dislike to her. From the moment I set eyes on Lexi, back in 1863 when she saved me was when I fell in love with her. Ever wonder why I ran off- apart from wanting to get away from my brother-? It was to find her. Setting eyes on her, I was stunned. She, was helping my brother now. Katherine, was my best bet. I knew then, that Katherine would be the only one for me. Even if I wanted Lexi also. I, had killed the woman I adored. The woman I watched for over one hundred and forty five years. I had watched her. Admired her. And loved her each moment I had been free. Yes, my love for Katherine was stronger, but Lexi held something that I wished I had. She held respect, lust and beauty. She, was heaven. She knew all the right moves, and how to handle things. Lexi made me look like a wreak. Though I held myself with strength and respect, she brought out the worst in me. The one thing I thought was gone forever. My humanity. And now, just like Lexi; it was gone.

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><p><strong>AN;;**

R&R? Tell me what you think, and if I should/Shouldn't carry on with this? Much thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter one; Saying goodbye.**

"Got any plans for when your on leave?"

I didn't have to look up from the dark, dingy ditch we were living in. Too busy tryigng to keep the rats from getting at my boots. Or, climbing up the trouser leg. Now, that would be a huge problem. The year was 1863 During the middle of the civil war. When the north was fighting against the south. Never, had I ever imagined to be spending my time in a trench, surrpunded by the smell of death, mud and smoke. I had expected to be at home, ignoring my father dissaproving with everything I had ever spoke off. Or to be settled down with a wife and kids. War, was not the answer in my books. Though, without the war would I have met the men I had? It didn't sound like that would of been possible. The friends I had gathered up; all because of this american crisis. My main favourite, was a boy a year younger than myself. Only 22. Or, turning 22. His birthday was in a few dyas time. William or 'Will' as he had others call him would sit up on gaurd most of the nights with me. Keeping a eye out for any unauthorized movements. But usually, it would just turn into a night of talking.

The air was thick and warm within the Antietam, MD. The date was.. God, it had been so long since I had last checked the actual date. I knew, it was sometime around septemeber. From all I knew, it had to be around the 17th. The bodies around me all lay snooring within there mindless dreams. The odd few still awake down the line of the trench to keep a eye out. Every mile or so. Will, had chosen to keep me awake. Though it was infact both our nights to get some sleep, Will wanted someone to watch out while he wrote a letter. Not that it would get sent for annother three days. It would be a two days march towards the town they were planning on meeting there next General. There last, had been killed on there last attack. Sr. James Fillion, the second in command had taken over the lead. Planning on getting the troops out of there quickly, and as quietly as he could. To presead with the war, and to infact get someone who was quilified to lead the men. I was sat, with a helmet over my head, covering my blue eyes from the dark, smokey night. No lights were aloud to be on. It could blow our whole position down. With my arms holding tightly to my loaded rifle, I chose to ignore Will's idiotic question and at least itry/i to get some shut eye.

"Hey! Don't go falling asleep on me, man. I need someone to keep watch while I write this." A hard kick to my head from Williams boot caused me to sit up, and adjust my helmet. Glaring to the Tenessee male sitting - well more of laying- beside me.

"Why are you even trying to write it? You can hardly see, and it won't be sent for a while." I pointed out matter-oh-factly.

"Still not the point. I promised her I'd write every chance I got. And this; well this is a chance, ain't it?" I couldn't help but droll my deep blue gaze at the answer of my friend.

"I'd hardly call this a chance. _We_ are suppost to be getting rest. We have to walk around 18 miles in the morning." I stated, leaning back on the dirt walls of the ditch they were resting in.

"Ahh, come on Damo' old buddie. Y'know sarge won't mind if we're half asleep while walking. It's not like he's going to be making us run drills or anything." William scoffed, nudging me with his foot once more. I just shrugged, and pulled my helmet forward slightly. Blocking off my sight once again. Hopefully he'd get the point I didn't want to chat. That tonight, I wanted to sleep for once.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I see no need to. Does it really matter what I may, or may not be doing when I return home for a few weeks." I replied, keeping my uncomfortable pose. A light chuckle was what I heard in responce from Will. Causing me to pull my helmet back once more, and look to him- while still leaning against the dirt.

"When I get off. I'm getting married. Hey, you should come." Annother nudge, causing me to grunt to myself.

"Sure, I'll put that on my 'to-do' list." I scoffed to myself, looking up to the clear starry night. Though the smell of smoke; from the debre of the guns was still visible, it was still a clear sky. Something, I had almost forgotten about.

"I'm serious. You can be the best man. Waring a cowboy hat and everything." That statement caused me to chuckle, a small smile appearing on both mine and William's lips. "I doubt my father would allow that." Not like there was anything new with that statement. My father dissagreed with most things I spoke of. But then again, it never stoped me from actually speaking or doing the things I wanted.

"Tell me about your dad. You never speak of home." Will asked, sitting up and leaning against the dirt while watching me closely. Well, from what he could see of me anyway.

"There isn't much to tell." I shrugged, moving my rifle to the side of me and crossing my arms over my stomach.

"Brothers? Sisters? Hot maids?" Will pressed on. A toying sound to his rich Tennessee accent.

"A brother." I answered, giving a smile to myself. I hadn't spoken to Stefan since I left for the war. What had it been? 9-10 months? Time sure did pass quickly. It seemed like it was only yesterday I was hugging my younger brother goodbye.

"What's he like?"

"Like any other brother? Stefan is.. different." I answered. But my answer only caused William to become more interested. He, had been alongside me for most of there many months. From the moment the Tennessee regament had joined with the Virginia regament. I, had been his right hand man. His best friend threwout the war. I caught glims of my friends look, and sighed. No getting out of this one. "Stefan... He's.. fun. Knows how to cheer you up after somethign wrong. Always taking my side. I remember this one time-" I scoffed while speaking, obviously enjoying the thought of my brother. Since I refused to think of home during my time away. It would only make me miss it more. "- I was ill. Damn food had a glitch to it, I guess. But Stefan.. he stuck by my side. I even threw up on his feet. Want to know what he did?" I chuckled, looking to my hands and smiling. "He told me it was alright.. and that I could clean it up when I was well." William joined in with my small laugh, and nodded. "Sounds like a good kid."

"He is. Y'know. Most brothers dislike there younger siblings. Since they tend to get in the way. Me and Stefan.. we're close. He's.. He's my best friend." I smiled to myself, giving a nod of my head. "Well, you tell Stefan I said 'hey, and that I plan on meeting him very soon." William laughed, returning his eyes back to the paper, and writing. "I will." I noted, leaning my head back once again and looking to the sky again. For the first moment in a long time, I realised I missed home. All of the soldiers here did, that was obvious. But me? I only missed the person there worth caring about. Maybe once William was finished writing, and if they had time tomorrow; I could write a small letter to him. Telling him how things were. Couldn't be so bad. I smiled to myself, before letting my eyes close. William, finally let the me get some good erned sleep.

**6Hrs. Latter.**

**"DAMON! COME ON WAKE UP!" **

The bellowing sound of loud bangs, and bullets flying caused my eyes to tare open and my body to jult up. William was beside me, shakeing me violently. "Good god, man. You were out like a log! I thought for a moment you were hit!" It was hard to even hear Will's voice over the yells of other men.

"What's going on!" I called over, putting my hands to my head to ease the headache that was building already.

"We're under attack! Sarge gave the orders to get the hell out of here. Front line are going to old the 'ates back while we make a run." Will yelled, grabbing his rifle and dashing up the dirt. The rain, had picked up. Due to the amount of pollution being misted in the air. Toxic rain, otherwise known as. I was not far behind from William. Grabbing my own rifle, and heading up after him. Trying to keep my feet from falling from under me. William, was making a clear shot for the trees. As were most men. It was hard trying to run and dodge bullets at the same time. Never the less, I prayed to god my legs wouldn't fail me. I had to hand it to William though, he could run. At times, I found myself wondering if I would ever be able to catch up with the boy. That was until the shadow I was rushing after fell to the floor. They had to have been minutes away from the line. Obviously one of the bullets had hit him. I, was the first to rush to him. Why wouldn't I? He was my only good friend here. The one I could trust the most. Others were rushing passed, trying to get out of the way. I threw my rifle to the floor, and imeditly looked to the wond on his shoulder. My hands, tried desperatly to stop the blood, but I was shaking too much to even know what I was doing!

"I-I-I'm...hit.." William's stuttering, out of breath voiced called, but I could barely hear it over the yells of other men fighting. "Don't worry! I'll get you out of here! You keep holding on alright! Think of Annabeth!" I yelled loudly, looking round for any officer to at least help me to get him out of the way of fire. Everywhere I looked there were bullets. Bodies laying on the floor. The air was filled with yells, screams and orders. Misting with smoke, and dirt. Explosions. Loud ones. The rain didn't help either. My attention was stolen back to my friend on the floor at the touch on my shirt. Pulling me down to his level.

"Y-y-you got to get out of here!" William yelled, blood spitting from his mouth and onto my face. You think anyone would be creeped out by this. The fact a persons blood was running over your flesh. But this; this wasn't the place to be fussy on hygien.

"I'm not leaving you!" I called back. But the look in William's eye said it all. The boys hand tore away from my shirt, and riffled up to the pocket on his own shirt. Pulling out the letter he had been writing only hours ago. William took my hand, and pushed the letter into it. Never minding that the rain would ruin the paper. With annother spit up of blood, he put his hand onto my shoulder, pulling me back down. "Give.. give that to.. A-a-AnnaBeth. Tell her..I-I-I'm sorry." His voice coughed, pushing me away. I looked at the boy, starstuck. "No! I'm not leaving you!"

"You have to get out of here.. GO!" William had the enough stength to push me away and into the mud. I stumbled to my feet, bullets plying pass me. Never taking my eyes of my true friend. "GO!" William yelled again. His body trembiling from the wond on his left shoulder. I nodded, and rushed off. Grabbing my rifle and thowing it over my shoulder. The letter in my hand, tightly sealed off. Taking once glance back to my friend, I said goodbye within my mind. I knew, in that moment, I was never going to see William alive again. I made it, there and then; my goal to get this letter to Annabeth. No matter the consicuences.

Rushing in and out of tree's, it was as if the Sarge- as William called him- wasn't able to hold the line back. I had ran, and ran. But the bullets just kept coming. Hitting people alongside me. But I pressed on, rushing for saftey. I couldn't die. I had to get this note out to William's family, to Annabeth. I had to return home, and see Stefan once again.

A large, ripping pain ruffled threw the my shoulder, and left leg. Sending me stumbling to the floor, and sliding down a hill into a well hidden ditch. To far down the hill for the enimies to see. It felt as if I had landed in a puddle. But at one look, I realised it wasn't a normal puddle caused by the rain. It was a puddle of my own blood. I felt paralyzed. Not being able to move my shoulder. Once stable, in the floating muck of mid, rain and blood, I looked down to the wond. Once glance was all it took. I had been shot in the back of the shoulder, and the bullet had went right threw. As for my leg, I was too sore to even move my body. Laying there on my back, he watched the rain falling. Listened to the screams filling the air. The bullets hitting of things. Bangs from explosions. I accepted what was going to become of me. I was going to die here, but even though it didn't harm me much; I knew Stefan would understand. I just prayed someone came along and found the letter. Got it to William's family. My eyes blurred, but made out a single shadow. From what I thought, I could of sworn, it was a angel. Coming to take me from this devils making.

"_Close your eyes." _

The voice whispered close to my ear, and slowly, my eyes closed. Wandering into the darkness. I would be free.


End file.
